Today is hard. And yesterday was also hard.

*BIG BREATH* Okay. I'm a big proponent of body positivity. Not just for me, but for every person. I do not feel positive about my body today. And I didn't yesterday. Last week was a bust and next week isn't looking good either.

My husband Meriweather and I, along with our roommate, have decided to start a youtube channel to talk about various things in our life. Share our nonsense with the world. For various reasons. But largely because we just want to.

Maddy and Merris look GREAT on camera. Me? Not so much.

At least, I don't think so. And it depresses me. It makes it hard for me to upload my own vlogs. I know I should. And I want to help out my family. But I'm just scared. I don't like my voice. I don't like my face. I don't like my fat.

I don't know how to push past bad feelings like this sometimes. I try to be positive all the time. But sometimes? That doesn't work. And I don't want to come across as fishing for compliments. I just needed to get this out. I'm sure everyone has times where they don't like how they look. I just wish that I could have a day...JUST ONE...where I felt okay to be me.

On being a fatty

Hello.  I am fat.

It's true!  And that's okay.  

What's not okay:  Shaming me for being fat.  In any way.  Even a passive aggressive, health concern troll sort of way.  You know the type:  "It's just not okay to be fat because omygosh it causes health problems!  Obesity is a disease and you could TOTALLY DIE from being a fatty fat fatso.  I say this because I -care-."

Right.

Fuck off.

I am also...get ready for this...healthy!  In the world we're in today, no one is going to believe that, but it's true.  My blood work says so.  My blood sugar, BP, heart rate and everything else is in the green.  I work out every day.  I eat a clean, ketogenic diet.  No processed crap. No sugar.  I feel great! And golly, I think I look pretty great too.  

I know, I know.  I'm only deluding myself because overweight people are just the -worst-.  

Here's how we deal with the obesity problem:

1.  Stop being a dick to fat people.

And that's it.  Stop pretending you care about our health. You don't.  It's just that seeing fat people makes you uncomfortable and you really don't want us to exist in your space.  And since we take up more of that space than you want us to?  It makes you mad.  Because...?  I don't know, honestly.  Maybe you hate yourself.  Maybe you're having a bad time of things.  I could not give less of a fuck about those reasons if I tried.  

Fat shaming has never once helped anyone.  The only obesity problem there is that the world thinks it's okay to be abusive towards the overweight.  That's the problem.  

I look at the comments on Tess Munster's pictures in magazine and online journals and I cringe.  Because those people?  They think that about me too.  I'm 269lbs and 5'10.  I wear a size 24.  And people I don't know hate me because I'm fat.  

Wellp.  FUCK THEM.  Screw it!  I am fat. I matter.  I am beautiful.  I am allowed to exist.  And if YOU don't like it?  My ass is ready for kisses.

Corset training!

Hi there.  It's been a minute.  Lots of things are going on in our personal lives.  Good news, mostly. Unfortunately, it's not anything I can share with anyone just yet, but as soon as I can, I will!  Today's post is going to be a little different.  As in, not about writing.  Don't worry, though, I'll get back to that in the next post which I'll likely write up today.

I'm going to talk about corset waist training.  It's something I've been interested in for a very long time.  I thought I was too heavy to do it, but I've lost over 120lbs now, so I thought it was about time to give it a shot.

I did a lot of research, but of course, that won't replace research you do yourself.

What it is and how it works:

It's where you wear a steel boned corset (over bust or underbust) for 8-12 hours a day to achieve a dramatic hour glass shape.  It also helps with posture, back pain and weight loss.  Waist training SHOULD be done in conjunction with proper diet and exercise, especially exercise with core training. That being said, you can still lose some inches, it just won't be as fast or as dramatic.

How long does it take to get results:  No one can tell you.  It's very individual.  It depends on several factors.  Your body weight, your fat distribution, if you've had a baby before (for cis women), what KIND of fat you have (the kind around your muscles and organs or the squishy, just under the skin fat).  If you're lean and muscular, you will NOT get immediate results.  You may only lose an inch or two.  I'm going to document my progress here once a week.  I will give measurements in the next post.

What to do if you're interested in waist training:  Buy a corset!  But not a fashion corset.  What's the difference?  Quality.  Price.  Fashion corsets are not as sturdy or well made and will never give you results.  They might look hot in the bedroom, but they're not going to reduce the inches on your waist. You need to specifically buy a waist training corset.  There are a lot of places to get these online, but I'm going to personally recommend a brand.

Orchard corset.  www.orchardcorset.com.  They're -amazing-.  So well made for the price.  I paid around 80 bucks for mine and the shipping is free and lightening fast.  It got here a day and a half after I ordered it.  It's steel boned.  The model they use for the longer torso's and an underbust (meaning it doesn't come over my boobs). I saw an immediate reduction by about five inches.  But keep in mind, I have a lot of squishy belly fat.  Leaner ladies will not get these results.

When you get your corset, you will need to season it.  You will laced it up NOT that tight, but snug.  Wear it for an hour or two.  Do this every day for a week.  Then you'll be ready to wear it for 8-12 hours a day.  I went with the cotton underbust so that it would be wearable under clothing if I wanted.
How to pick the right size:  Measure your waist, which is about two inches above your belly button. If you are a plus sized lady, you can go down about 7 inches.  That's your size.  For leaner ladies, go down about 2 to 3 inches.  So if you're a size 30, you will probably go down to a size 26.  They come in many shapes and fabrics so I recommend shopping around.

So, here's some pics of day one:

Please ignore my dour expression!  This is without a corset, clearly.  I am VERY busty.  But you can see I don't have much definition at my waist.  Boo.  

Wah!  It's amazing.  A much cleaner, nicer line.  Also, the corset I got comes up high in the back so it takes care of back bulge.  Tummy bulge under the edge of the corset is an issue for me, so I'm going to use spanks when I start waist training, after I season my corset. 

Also, because people asked on FB:  My shirt comes from blackcraft clothing.  They have awesome shirts!  Pardon my hair too, I'm growing out my side shave. It looks a hot mess right now.  

Another note:  I am currently on the ketogenic diet and have lost 30lbs since November 11th.  Pretty snazzy!  I work out every day (15 minutes of cardio plus core and arm training).  I plan on getting a sleeping corset and a workout corset too.  One thing at a time though!  

Good luck, and if you have any questions, just ask me here or at rachel.zellers@gmail.com.